That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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