You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
