If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize