I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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