he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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