There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
