there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
