just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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