went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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