The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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