Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
