She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
