remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize