benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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