hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
