i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize