Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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