i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
