1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i dont even know how to be here
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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