Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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