dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Randomize
