Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
