have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
