She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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