she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
