Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
