I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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