tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
