The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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