He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
