please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
