I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
