Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
