She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
