Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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