Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
