Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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