do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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