My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
