bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
