all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
