He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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