what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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