The brown eye won't let me do that either.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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