I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
