i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
