Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
