A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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