i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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