someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
