Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
