Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
