Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
