i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
