This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
