I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
