Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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