Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
