Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
