Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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