All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
