His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So squirting runs in the family.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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